"Henry? Henry?! Oh my god Henry!!"
Its the third day since you passed away and no matter what I do I kept thinking of you and all the memories we shared:
-From the day he brought you & your sister home when you were barely 4 months old in the month of June, 2006. Feeling excited and happy that I have the chance to actually take care of 2 dogs 4 the 1st time in my 12-year-old life.
-Taking care of you, feeding you, grooming you, even cleaning up after you. Bathing you two for the 1st time & getting completely wet in the process because you both were so afraid of getting wet back then that you didn't stop moving.
-Getting many clothes bitten to shreds by you & your sister during your teething stage where everything you 2 could get a hold on was chewed to pieces, including a few pairs of slippers.
-The 1st time you both ran out & the experience of chasing after you both fearing something bad would happen or that you'd get lost. The slight pain in my heart seeing you both being punished and the relieved feeling later when you still came close to me.
-Coming back after 2 weeks holiday in KL to see that you've both grown so much bigger & wondering if you could get any furier & fluffier. The never-ending furballs from your coat & wondering to myself how many more you can produce
-Training you & teaching you both how to sit & feeling happy that you do it on command each time
-Getting mad, having fun, taking you on your 1st & last walk around the neighbourhood because you both didn't know when to stop & having to drag you two back home because you couldn't go any further.
-Watching you take over for Savannah when she got tired of cleaning Pretty & thinking your such an uncharacteristically fatherly dog
-Feeling happy that you could finally understand the command stay
-Finding out from the maid that your testicles actually had maggots & feeling completely weird & grossed out but glad that you didn't have to remove them
-Discovering that your right knee joint mysteriously got gangreen & missing you when you had to be sent to the vet for a few weeks when we found out the left knee joint also had it and feeling happy when you finally returned
-Feeling worried when few months later your right knee joint had a wound again but luckily it was only a maggot infection & not gangreen. Feeling disgusted when I had to clean you wound with Detol & seeing all the maggots inside squiggel about, squeezing puss & maggots out later on & realized that your wound was pretty big inside. Cleaning your wound constantly and putting the cone on your head to keep you from licking it & making it worse. Relieved when the last of the maggots were squeezed out & not feeling grossed out about it anymore
-Keeping your wound clean so that it'll heal without anymore infections. Giving him instructions when I had to go to KL for the holidays. Coming back relieved to see he took good care of it and that it was almost completely closed
-Pitying you when you somehow managed to reopen the wound few weeks later & laughing at you since you still hated wearing the cone around your neck. Wondering why it was always you who got injured and hating that you always had to suffer.
-Moving you all into the dog house so you'd had constant shade and getting a paranoid feeling that you'd all hurt yourselves trying to get out because it was obvious you all didn't like it
-Wondering how you've been able to climb out when you couldn't before
And the worst memory of all, the image of your lifeless body half off the ground, your neck dangling at a very awkward position, seeing the dried trail of saliva on your jaw, the puddle of saliva+blood around your body and thinking to myself how much you must have suffered.
Thinking how I could've saved you if I hadn't had to go to school that day.
Thinking of how much pain you went through and wondering just how long did you suffer before you died.
The tears welling up in my eyes as I tried to loosen the chain around your neck, hoping you were only choking and that there was still a chance you could be saved.
Crying my heart out when I finally managed to remove you and realising your neck was completely dislocated and twisted such that your neck bone was jutting out.
Shaking you, refusing to give up hope and denying what I was seeing.
Feeling hopeless & completely heart-broken when it finally sunk in that you were long gone while gazing through bleary eyes at your lifeless body.
Sitting there on the floor stroking your soft coat under my hands & blaming myself for not unhooking you from your leash.
The solemn and almost sad looks Savannah & Pretty had when I glanced up at them when I could finally pull myself together long enough to call him.
Feeling fresh tears well up again as I had to stuff you in a trash bag & then anger when the plastic bag broke and I had to drag you unceremoniously to the hole because I couldn't carry you.
The image of you lying there & looking as though you were merely sleeping almost had me balling again but I managed to hold it in until I got back inside the house.
All the while thoughts of an apathetic father, a sympathetic helper, the expressions on Savannah & Pretty's faces revolved around in my head as I sat there crying again.
Anger, sadness, melancholy, more anger, depression; a constant whirlwind of emotions swelled within me as I missed you with each growing moment.
I will never forget you Henry. Funny how you had to die for me to finally realisize you really are and forever will be my favourite. I guess its because I didn't want to be biased.
How long will your memory haunt my each and every waking moment? How long will it be before I can safely look at your grave and not feel sad? How long until I can look at other dogs without thinking of you and feeling tears prick my eyes?
The memory of your lifeless body will haunt me for as long as live. I hope you are at peace where ever you are now. Know that I will never forget you for the rest of my life.........
It raining heavily now and it makes the feeling inside me grow stronger. I miss you Henry, I always will.
