I Miss You

"Henry? Henry?! Oh my god Henry!!"

Its the third day since you passed away and no matter what I do I kept thinking of you and all the memories we shared:

-From the day he brought you & your sister home when you were barely 4 months old in the month of June, 2006. Feeling excited and happy that I have the chance to actually take care of 2 dogs 4 the 1st time in my 12-year-old life.
-Taking care of you, feeding you, grooming you, even cleaning up after you. Bathing you two for the 1st time & getting completely wet in the process because you both were so afraid of getting wet back then that you didn't stop moving.
-Getting many clothes bitten to shreds by you & your sister during your teething stage where everything you 2 could get a hold on was chewed to pieces, including a few pairs of slippers.
-The 1st time you both ran out & the experience of chasing after you both fearing something bad would happen or that you'd get lost. The slight pain in my heart seeing you both being punished and the relieved feeling later when you still came close to me.
-Coming back after 2 weeks holiday in KL to see that you've both grown so much bigger & wondering if you could get any furier & fluffier. The never-ending furballs from your coat & wondering to myself how many more you can produce
-Training you & teaching you both how to sit & feeling happy that you do it on command each time
-Getting mad, having fun, taking you on your 1st & last walk around the neighbourhood because you both didn't know when to stop & having to drag you two back home because you couldn't go any further.
-Watching you take over for Savannah when she got tired of cleaning Pretty & thinking your such an uncharacteristically fatherly dog
-Feeling happy that you could finally understand the command stay
-Finding out from the maid that your testicles actually had maggots & feeling completely weird & grossed out but glad that you didn't have to remove them
-Discovering that your right knee joint mysteriously got gangreen & missing you when you had to be sent to the vet for a few weeks when we found out the left knee joint also had it and feeling happy when you finally returned
-Feeling worried when few months later your right knee joint had a wound again but luckily it was only a maggot infection & not gangreen. Feeling disgusted when I had to clean you wound with Detol & seeing all the maggots inside squiggel about, squeezing puss & maggots out later on & realized that your wound was pretty big inside. Cleaning your wound constantly and putting the cone on your head to keep you from licking it & making it worse. Relieved when the last of the maggots were squeezed out & not feeling grossed out about it anymore
-Keeping your wound clean so that it'll heal without anymore infections. Giving him instructions when I had to go to KL for the holidays. Coming back relieved to see he took good care of it and that it was almost completely closed
-Pitying you when you somehow managed to reopen the wound few weeks later & laughing at you since you still hated wearing the cone around your neck. Wondering why it was always you who got injured and hating that you always had to suffer.
-Moving you all into the dog house so you'd had constant shade and getting a paranoid feeling that you'd all hurt yourselves trying to get out because it was obvious you all didn't like it
-Wondering how you've been able to climb out when you couldn't before


And the worst memory of all, the image of your lifeless body half off the ground, your neck dangling at a very awkward position, seeing the dried trail of saliva on your jaw, the puddle of saliva+blood around your body and thinking to myself how much you must have suffered.

Thinking how I could've saved you if I hadn't had to go to school that day.

Thinking of how much pain you went through and wondering just how long did you suffer before you died.

The tears welling up in my eyes as I tried to loosen the chain around your neck, hoping you were only choking and that there was still a chance you could be saved.

Crying my heart out when I finally managed to remove you and realising your neck was completely dislocated and twisted such that your neck bone was jutting out.

Shaking you, refusing to give up hope and denying what I was seeing.

Feeling hopeless & completely heart-broken when it finally sunk in that you were long gone while gazing through bleary eyes at your lifeless body.

Sitting there on the floor stroking your soft coat under my hands & blaming myself for not unhooking you from your leash.

The solemn and almost sad looks Savannah & Pretty had when I glanced up at them when I could finally pull myself together long enough to call him.

Feeling fresh tears well up again as I had to stuff you in a trash bag & then anger when the plastic bag broke and I had to drag you unceremoniously to the hole because I couldn't carry you.

The image of you lying there & looking as though you were merely sleeping almost had me balling again but I managed to hold it in until I got back inside the house.

All the while thoughts of an apathetic father, a sympathetic helper, the expressions on Savannah & Pretty's faces revolved around in my head as I sat there crying again.

Anger, sadness, melancholy, more anger, depression; a constant whirlwind of emotions swelled within me as I missed you with each growing moment.

I will never forget you Henry. Funny how you had to die for me to finally realisize you really are and forever will be my favourite. I guess its because I didn't want to be biased.

How long will your memory haunt my each and every waking moment? How long will it be before I can safely look at your grave and not feel sad? How long until I can look at other dogs without thinking of you and feeling tears prick my eyes?

The memory of your lifeless body will haunt me for as long as live. I hope you are at peace where ever you are now. Know that I will never forget you for the rest of my life.........

It raining heavily now and it makes the feeling inside me grow stronger. I miss you Henry, I always will.

Rollercoaster Week

This whole week has literally been a rollercoaster ride. 180 degree mood swings, exhaustion.... I guess you could say it all started with last Saturday

Saturday

• had to wake up for school to replace Deepavali holiday
• school hosted Kanival Bahasa Melayu so us Form 5's and a few other classes had to move
• had to endure ridiculous quiz
• got the deadline to hand in our Moral Folios: Tuesday

Sunday

• got an impromptu wake up call from Friend A at 11+ (too early for me)
• went for haircut with said friend (still not used to my new hairstyle yet)
• rushed home to eat and then on to Friend B's hse
• couldn't finished typing everything I needed to complete my Moral Folio but couldn't stay to finish it (luckily Friend B is such a good friend and offered to help)
• rushed home to pick up badminton gear before rushing off to Friend C's house to pick said friend up and then rushing to the badminton court
• couldn't warm up properly before engaging in "battle" with said friend
• went to Friend D's house with Friend C to pick up a few things
• was rushed home by "Princess" who insisted on me accompanying her for dinner
• had to rush through my shower because said "princess" was tired of waiting
• harrased by "Princess" & "Mini Asshole" about ridiculous matters
• insomnia again

Monday

• woke up reluctantly and abandoning my sweet, warm, welcoming bed
• had really bad muscle ache in both thighs and right arm thanks to the badminton game on Sunday
• slightly late thanks to the insomnia from the previous night
• everyone managed to get "high" from last weeks victory by the netball team over school's age-old rival after getting over Monday blues, including me
• Head Of Student Affairs succeeded in killing everyone's buzz by announcing jaw-dropping and completely contradicting news which I translate and quote:

"The school's Koperasi will no longer be selling food during recess. Students are only allowed to buy food from the Koperasi outside of recess period. This is because the school wants to determine whether all the food poisoning cases are caused by the food sold at the canteen or by the food sold at the Koperasi"

How dumb can the school get? Of course the source of all the food poisoning is the canteen, the Koperasi sells mostly packaged food! What's the point of buying food outside of recess period when we're not allowed to eat it?? And judging by the reaction of the teacher in charged of the Koperasi, she wasn't informed of it either.

• managed to take my folio for binding and completed most of it
• unknowingly fell asleep when I was in my room
• went for tuition

Tuesday

• handed in folio on time
• all the classes received an enquiry form on whether they agree or disagree that the Koperasi should be allowed to sell food during recess and reasons why they agree (of course everyone will agree, but its mostly because everyone had to write their name and nobody wanted to make the Koperasi's teacher's balck list)
• fell asleep during Physics period even though I slept well the night before
• went home and unknowingly fell asleep again
• halfway through Physcis tuition it started raining
• "Asshole" insisted on me riding home no matter what saying that there's no rain at our area
• failed to negotiate with him
• already 2/3 parts soaked by the time I reached said area that "wasn't" raining
• drenched before I even reached home because said area was raining almost twice as hard
• dripping water from my completely soaked jeans, jacket and shirt
• phone got wet and proceeded to switch itself on and off, wallet was slightly damp
• some parts of my bag was wet but thankfully water didn't reach the inner parts
• bathed and fell asleep with no recollection of actually packing my bags and getting things ready for school

Wednesday

• woke up in a completely bad mood
• mood got worse as the day went on
• was in no mood to entertain my class teacher's attempts at cheering me up by making me laugh
• finally managed to climb out that bottomless pit of moodiness thanks to my awesome friends
• mood went south a little when I was forced to join the kawad competition because everyone else couldn't and I'm too nice a person to say no
• fell alseep unknowingly in my room for the 3rd time with no memory of even reaching home/opening the door/entering my room
• rained so had to have dinner with "Asshole" because I was in no mood to get wet again (even though I was still mad at him)
• half-lied by saying I was tired when he asked me why my expression was so moody
• kept being pushed by him into entering the medical field because it pays more and is less expensive than being a pilot but I told him NO when all the while I was thinking: SHUT THE FUCK UP

Thursday

• looked forward to the outing with friends in the evening
• stayed back for kawad practice which our "dear" commander decided to skip, like she always does
• placed keys in Friend E's bag because it was too heavy and would get in the way
• said friend left without telling me
• tried to contact her but she was napping like a pig of all things
• luckily a friend lived near my house and sent me back
• reached and found out no one was at home to let me in so I had to climb over my gate
• managed to bathe before a different person came to pick me up to head back to school with my spare motorbike key
• went for dinner with friends at Pizza Hut
• Friend E finally smsed me back halfway through dinner
• found out said friend placed it in Friend F's bag near the top but didn't tell Friend F because Friend E thought it was noticeable since it was such a big bunch but unfortunately Friend E forgot that Friend F can be pretty blur at times
• tried to contact Friend F before her tuition but no response
• couldn't completely enjoy shopping with friends (they shopped, I followed) because was still worrying about my keys
• saw Friend H and a few other people
• saw a guy that creeped us out
• went to Friend G's house since it was close by to wait until Friend F returns my calls
• figured how to use the speaker function on Friend G's house phone
• called Friend H who was really shy maybe because he was afraid I might hurt him or something
• called Friend I who was stuck at home with chicken pox and cheered her up ^^
• Friend F finally called me back and I could finally collect my keys and go home (HALLELUJAH!!)

Friday

• day started out ok but I knew it won't be for long
• was bored to death during class, as usual
• photostated IC for kawad competition certificaate after school ended
• went for Literature class at rival school
• hoped and prayed that it wouldn't rain otherwise I'd be in deep shit
• rushed back for kawad practice
• left late and had to rush home before it rained so I won't be late for tuition
• just started raining as I was reaching home
• slightly drizzling when I left the house straight after a quick shower
• relieved that it wasn't raining when I reached my tuition area
• picked up Friend J on the way
• was completely zoned out and couldn't really think straight due to exhaustion
• thankfully left to head back to Friend J's house for dinner
• went over to Friend I's house after dinner to visit her and keep her company before next tuition
• managed to convince her mom to let her bathe (poor girl)
• ended up staying way past time and was late for tuition XP
• enjoyed Witchery Ider Tea with extra pearl and had loads of laughs
• went home and ended up stoned on the bed before finally snapping out of it at 3+ in the morning and going to sleep

Saturday

• got woken up because of a loud banging on my room door by none other than "Mini Asshole"
• tried to go back to sleep but gave up after 10 minutes
• ate lunch and went to visit Friend I again and brought her some homework
• webcam-ed with the ridiculous Friend K who's image kept hanging
• spent the rest of the day at her place and bought her Witchery Ider Tea
• was completely pigging out at her place too
• went home and had to wait until "Princess" went out with her boyfriend before I could finally put my poor dogs out of they're misery

Sunday

• started typing this post at 2+
• done typing by 4+
• used as a scapegoat and accomplice again by "Princess"
• still hasn't decided what I'm going to do once I wake up
• is predicting that I'll either visit Friend I again or go watch a movie by myself

This is probably the longest post I'll ever be posting but who cares It been quite a long time since I've updated my blog anyway.

GOOD NIGHT

New Year Resolutions

Ya... I know it's really late 2 be writing this down since its practically the last day of January 2011 but better late than never right?

First of all, guess I should at least write how I ushered in the new year. Surprisingly, I really enjoyed myself this year when I wasn't expecting to. I went out with a group of people (you know who you are) and we sat around at Sanga until 11+ before we headed to Tanjung to continue the countdown. There was fireworks, bubbles everywhere, and people spraying foam on other people and of course we got caught in the crossfire. Happens all the time~ The fireworks was disappoinTing though. I know they could've splurged a bit more to at least put on a good show..... Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.

Anyways..... I got stuck as the monitor again this year. I'm so "hounoured". Everyone else in my class is so lazy...and when I say everyone, I MEAN everyone. They know how taxing the job is and they can't even man up and give me a break. They just have to chuck it back at me with lies like: "She gets the job done", "She's a good monitor", etc. It makes me so pissed just thinking about it.

Back to the main topic: New Year Resolutions

1. Play badminton every chance I get.

• Since I wanna be a pilot when I grow up, apparently I've gotta be really fit or something like that so I might as well get it done by doing something I enjoy. Plus it's really good exercise and even more fun when played with friends

2. Get most of my homework done on time

• No problem there. My new teachers aren't the lenient kind which pretty much means that everyone'll pass up they're homework on time....most of the time. Besides, I'm taking my SPM this year so there's not much room for slacking off

3. Go to all my tuitions

• This is also a piece of cake. There really isn't a reason for me to not go for all my tuitions, except when I'm sick, so I don't think there'll be any problem getting this done

4. Have as much fun as possible

• No surprise there. Of course I'm gonna want to have plenty of fun!! XD

5. Make more guy friends that I can hang out with

• Seriously. There's only so long I can take in an all girls school without going insane. Not that I'm saying I'm bored of all my girlfriends, its just that be surrounded by endorphins most of the time can't exactly be good for a person.

That should be it for now. Don't wanna have too many otherwise it'll just be extra luggage. TTFN people, and HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~~!!!